Adoption Coercion – The Case of Nikki N Ben Bales

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Don’t Stop Now! #notabravelove #bravelove #notbravelove

Don't Stop Now! #notabravelove #bravelove #notbravelove.

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Sibling Grief In Adoption


This this this this. The trauma never ends. It will go on and on through the rest of my children’s lives and their children’s….and it will go down never, permanently etched into our broken family tree. W, we miss you so!!!!!!

Originally posted on Musings of a Birthmom:

“I never know what to say when someone asks me how many brothers or sisters I have.”

This came out of my 12-year-old’s mouth while I was driving the other day. There was no warning for a statement such as this. No conversation that I can think of that brought it on. We were listening to the radio and she just blurted it out. It caught me off guard and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I have tried my best not to shroud in secrecy that her father and I relinquished the daughter that came before her. I would never want to give any of my children the impression that IKL is someone we should be ashamed of or someone who should be kept secret. To do so would deny her and denying her would be to deny our love for her. Regardless of this, for a child growing…

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Saving Our Sisters (S.O.S)

Today is the day 4 years ago I did not listen to my heart.
I cried and cried the last 24 hours before 6pm came, I was not recognizable.
My hospital records document ‘duress’.
I still lost you that day W.
I want you to know, all of this is for you.
I never wanted to lose you.
I never wanted to be kept from you.
I am doing for other mothers and their children what I couldn’t do for us W.
I had no idea what I was getting us into.

Again and again and yet again, I am so so sorry.
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Collateral Damage: On Adoption, Beheadings, and Invisible Siblings


Left in the dust……

Originally posted on Letters to Ms. Feverfew:

Did you know Abdul-Rahman Peter Kassig, one of the recent beheading victims of the Islamic State, was an adoptee?

When I first heard it on the news (and once I started breathing again) my first question was: Does his mother know?  Forgive me, it’s a knee-jerk reaction I have whenever I hear of an adoptee’s passing. And by mother, I do not mean adoptive mother. I mean the woman in whose womb Peter was knitted together. Because surely, his adoptive mother knows, since she’s all over the news (and seems like a perfectly lovely woman, by the way.) But his first mother – the woman who bled for him as she labored him into this world – did she know he was gone?

Through some quick Internet research, I learned that Abdul-Rahman Peter Kassig had indeed found his first mother soon after his 18th birthday and had become close…

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Does This Part Get Easier?

Originally posted on Letters to Ms. Feverfew:

Someone stop me. Now.

I am doing it again.

I am buying way too many gifts for Poppy, just like I have done every year at Christmas time since she was born.  Last Christmas was the first time I was truly cognizant of it, but really did not quite grasp why I was doing it. I just know I *totally* blew the budget.

This year I have figured out why I do this and it is alum to my soul.

It is over-compensation, plain and simple, driven by the subconscious need  to make up for all the Christmases I did not have with Ms. Feverfew.

I wish someone had told me 22 years ago that not only would I lose my oldest daughter to adoption, but I would lose the ability to fully enjoy another holiday season to adoption, too, that it would steal precious moments with my other children…

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