If you have been following for a while, you know that I have had to take a break from this. Which, I understands happen to us, especially so early into our ‘new life’, or when something devastating happens.
Well, if you remember, I shared something that was devastating, and my feelings about it back in December in this post. I didn’t share the next devastating thing that happened, so, here it goes. In January, I received a statement in the mail from the private insurance policy that I had in place at the time I was pregnant and at the time of W’s birth. I had a $10,000 deductible on that policy and I had NO maternity insurance. During my entire pregnancy claims of any services relating to my pregnancy were denied by the ins. co., and when I called them to verify if they would cover the birth of my son, they verbally told me ‘no’. (This played a major role for me to consider the ‘adoption option’.) The statement I received, showed a claim for my c-section was filed in the amount of $19,136.22 and the balance on the claim was, ‘$0.00’ with ‘no patient responsibility‘.
They paid the ‘allowed amount’ that the ins. co. had set up on contract with the hospital of $12,000+’.
It hit me like a punch in the gut, that feeling that I’ve described before as my heart being ripped out of my chest at the same time it’s being crushed, and I can’t breathe.
They paid it. Another reason (a very major one) for even considering adoption……..
The reasons for placing my son have vanished into thin air. His father was still with me. People who didn’t know I was in crisis because I hadn’t reached out and asked for help, were offering and have said over and over – ‘why didn’t you ask me?!’ and now, the huge hospital bill that I didn’t think I would ever be able to recover from and did everything in my power to negotiate a cash settlement with…..just gone, poof. ‘How can this be happening I asked the person on the other line at the ins. co?!’ ‘You do realize that my son is not with me because your company told me that they would not pay for his delivery and I couldn’t come up with the cash?!’ She said, ‘Well, the code on the claim says it was a ‘problem pregnancy’.’ I replied, ‘There was NO problem! This was a SCHEDULED c-section. Baby was healthy, as was I, just gestational diabetes – managed with diet! How is this a ‘problem pregnancy?!’ She said, ‘You’ll have to ask the Dr.’ I said, ‘You shouldn’t have paid this claim, don’t you care that this is a claim that you shouldn’t have paid?’ Getting nowhere, I hung up the phone.
Immediately dialing my Dr.’s office, and nonchalantly asked for my records for this pregnancy to be faxed to me immediately. It was $25 for 25 pages. Hardly a ‘complicated’ pregnancy file in my opinion. There is nothing in the file that says the word ‘complication’…….but there is one that says ‘adoption’.
I hung up and dialed the hospital, and calmly asked for my file to be copied, and that I would be there to pick it up as soon as it would be ready. $30 for 31 pages. Again, no sight at all of the word complication in the file anywhere to be seen. But, there was another word…..’duress’ describing my emotional state.
I then called the third party agency the adoption agency hired to handle the bills. I got the person on the phone who I had spoken with who handled the reimbursement of the $2,000 in prenatal visits that I had paid. I asked, ‘So, why didn’t anyone tell me that the ins. co. would be paying this bill?!’ Again saying, ‘You realize that this is one of the reasons that my son is not with me today – right?!’ Silence, and then a stuttered, ‘I’m sorry.’ I don’t know what happened with that, it’s between the Dr. and the ins. company.’ I said, ‘There’s nothing that you spoke with the Dr. about to work to get this bill paid?’ His reply, ‘No.’
Needless to say, I am still in shock. Trying to understand how this happened to me. My initial reaction was a posting on a social networking site amongst ‘friends’ that I thought I had made while networking for support through this excruciating journey.
Let me tell you about these so-called ‘friends’, and what they did next.
These people are people who are truly the ‘pure evil’ in adoption. The people who obtained my personal info, copied my blog posts, and then contacted the agency I went through, who in turn contacted W’s APs. Yes, you read that right.
All because they formed an assumption (in their extremely insecure minds) that I had begun to take action to begin to get W back. They realized that they weren’t able to (fully) accomplish what they had set out to do (or did they, now that time has passed and contact has slowed?). These people are still ‘lurking’ around watching. They want to remain ‘hidden’ and protect their facade that they are ‘supporting’ open adoptions. Their ‘put on a good smile so no one really knows how I really feel’ facade. Well, that wouldn’t be the ‘truth’ now – check this out.
One of the ‘key players’ runs an open adoption support page (term used loosely here).
Ironic because KJW’s main objective that she set out to accomplish was to close our open relationship by ‘warning’ W’s APs that I was ‘coming to get him’, so they could ‘stay away from me’. They attacked me, created lies based on assumptions and then broadcasting that I had an attorney and was filing fraud (all not true). Sharing many details including personal information, broadcasting what they thought was my financial information, looking up my professional profile on a professional networking site used heavily in my industry – (I have a screen shot of her profile showing up on ‘who viewed my profile’ – she didn’t cover her tracks very well). Broadcasting other details such as where I lived, and the agency I used. Then creating momentum and backing by stirring the ‘insecurity pot’ of other HAPs/PAPs and APs in a ‘closed’ group who then fed into the ‘witch hunt’, who would chime in stating they had a great attorney who was also an AP – and that they had to ‘stick together and warn ‘W’s APs’.
Check out these comments from the people who jumped in on the ‘witch hunt’ (I apologize for all the typos, but this is how they typed them, taken from their actual screen shots they made in the group):
Kathy F-A: ‘…..she wishes she had the baby and picket fence. If she would just be nice, be involved, she would still be in her son’s life. Her boyfriend seems to love the child and isn’t spouting horrible things. She can get married, have her picket fence, have another child and still be involved with her son and his AP. But instead, she is cutting herself off more. She could have the best of both worlds if she would stop and realize it. Sigh….’
That’s right, be a nice ‘b mommy’ and be quiet! Shocking to read this from an AP – right?
Apparently, I’m cutting myself off by blogging (anonymously, up until this point or so I thought) and processing my own thoughts and feelings – I’m cutting myself off. Move on so I can have the best of both worlds – living with this ambiguous grief – and watching K and H2 long for a real relationship – and just popping out another baby, why don’t I understand that this would make it all better – of course! How silly of me. It’s just THAT easy! I’m not sure what is wrong with me.
Next came this: HS: ‘Good grief, if she can get the adoption overturned that is bad news for all of us. I believe the adoption is finalized.’ December 30, 2011 at 12:19pm
And a reply: K N L: ‘I hope not.. HS… She needs a Serious intervention.. Someone needs to slap her back into reality… it is what it is.. I hope she finds peace before her anger destroys her or her daughter….December 30, 2011 at 3:42pm
K N L: Well her ship will get blow out of the water sooner or later.. 🙂 December 30, 2011 at 4:22pm
KHW: K N L, message me what you know please I am working with another woman on this as well.’ December 29, 2011 at 11:16pm via mobile
Are you as shocked by this lack of empathy as I am? Their sky was falling, and they were going to run over anyone, even the children involved, to keep the ‘sunshine and rainbows’ displaying exactly where they needed them to be in their sky.
Now, has anyone actually checked on overturning adoptions and the ‘success rate’? The ‘frantic’ tizzy that these APs, PAPs/HAPs went into is really nothing short of unbelievable. They were telling their husbands who were walking in the door from work, they were calling their attorney friends to see if they knew if there was any way this horrible thing could actually happen!? If I would be able to do this then ‘their birthmom’ would also do the same! (Think of the ‘Lions and Tigers and Bears – Oh boy!’ tone of voice here so you can really catch my sarcasm.)
Well, KJW did call the agency and afterwards updated the group with this:
KJW: ‘I’m glad to have been able to work with K N L and get the info we did, but it still doesn’t feel good. I didn’t sleep last night because reporting this is likely going to ruin an open adoption which you all know I fully support. I feel terrible for her daughter and her birth son. But at the same time I feel responsible as an AP to at least try to warn them. It is an unfortunate situation all around..’ and ‘The chances of her getting this overturned are slim to none. Unfortunately she does seem to have more $ than the AP’s so she could make a real stink. Adoption is not a temporary thing for being in a bad situation. She is an adut and could have done more research etc. Everyone is a little nutty when they are pregnant yes, but Psychosis? Good luck with that one. K N L, since you are our keeper of info (LOL) have you by chance copied her blogs in case she tries to delete them as well?’
So, even after admitting what she was doing to someone she does not know, and that the chances of getting the adoption overturned being quote ‘slim to none’, she still felt the need to go ahead and attempt to ruin our relationship. Because ‘APs have to stick together.’
Lastly, I’ll share what one member near the end of all the hysteria of the ‘witch hunt’ posts, ‘KJW, does your son’s birthmom know about all this?’
I wondered, ‘Yeah, does she?’
Pure evil, at is finest.
I’m ready for the attacks……I’m sure they will start immediately, but, this is the truth, and exactly what these people did.
Click here to check out all 50 states cyberstalking and cyberharassment laws, yes what they did was illegal.