Hope is Not a Mercy in Adoption

I call this time… ‘The Funk’, and nothing just like she says, can stop it.

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It’s that time of year again that I cannot be held accountable for what I say or do. I keep my contacts with the outside world short and sweet. I refrain from all sad stories and troubles that are out of my control. I put my blinders on and focus on the day to day- get out of bed, eat, breathe, bathe.

This time of year- Thanksgiving through my lost daughter’s birthday in February- leaves me lost at sea in emotional wreckage. Like clockwork, I know its first claims on my generally sanguine disposition; that heavy dull ache in my chest settles in just days before the holiday season begins. My sharply-crafted strength of sarcasm loses all its defenses. That heavy dull ache is here to stay for a third of the year, then a brief respite, back to preparing myself for it the following year. We have become so familiar with one another, that I have even given…

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If We Silence Adoptees, Who is Adoption For?

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If it were your first time on the internet, one thing you might find is that humans seem nearly obsessed with how we value the lived experiences of other humans. We are the only species that makes decisions solely based on the reviews of others within our species. Need a good vacation spot? Read a review. Want to move to another town? Read a review. What graduate school should you apply to? Read a review. Is that a good restaurant, photographer, book, nanny, dentist, vehicle, surgery, employer, so on, and so on? Read a review.

As a species, we want to be informed.

If one were to look into adopting a child through an international or domestic adoption, it would seem that the lived experiences of those who were adopted would be the most valued and sought after, right? The ones that could inform us best at what we might be getting ourselves into, right?

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How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? – Shane Blackwell

The worry I have for my son is so great. It wakes and/or keeps me up most nights. None of these truths this man writes about are ever mentioned to mothers considering adoption, and therefore, without full disclosure, infant adoption is NOT a choice.

Why are the practices of adoption agencies, attorneys & other professionals (deception, lies and lying by ommission) accepted? Because most natural mothers and families do not tell their stories, or are not telling them in the correct forum. Sadly, many are dismissed due to the emotions that learning these truths too late cause. They come off as angry and the typical ‘bitter’ term is attached to them.

Adoption is sold to natural mothers as ‘better’ when it is just different.
Adoption is sold to natural mothers as giving your child more, when all their child wants and needs is their natural mothers.
Adoption is sold to natural mothers as creating a family, while it destroys her and her family.

None of the above sales pitches carry a guarantee. In fact, they are complete fabrications, and there is no recourse, there is no arbitration, no mediation. She is forced to live through it, pretending everything is OK.

Our voices are getting louder and are joining together with our lost to unnecessary adoption children’s voices.

I cannot fix what happened to me and my son and my family. I have no control over that. I can inform others of these things, and give the other natural mothers and adoptees the platform to speak their truths in order to prevent more people suffering like they have by connecting them with mothers considering giving away their infant to strangers. What a positive way to promote healing, by validation and giving us all the ability to prevent unnecessary adoption trauma.

Society needs to listen to the natural families, including their lost children to understand the aftermath of destoying one family to create another. The mothers considering adoption are, and they so very happy they did not lose their babies.

This year the number of prevented unnecessary adoptions has exploded with the organization Saving Our Sisters. Helping over 30 mothers this year alone to keep and successfully parent their children is my way of showing my son I that I did not choose this. I did not know, but I did learn, and I am helping others to avoid the unnecessary suffering in a positive way.

Haven’t we all had enough suffering?

One bad adoption experience, is one too many.

I miss my son, and I need him to know I never wanted to lose him, and I was deceived. I trusted the wrong people, and for that I am sorry.

We love and miss you W.
We are still waiting for you.

Love,
Mom

Source: How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? – Shane Blackwell

America, You Have An Adoption Problem.

This is truth. AMERICA, you have an adoption problem. The facts speak for thrmselves.

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Dear America,

I spent the first 16 years of my adoption experience as a “birth” mother in complete isolation. It was preceded by the nearly 10 months of family-conducted isolation during my pregnancy. Such is the life of a shamed pregnant teenager. I had personally never known either an adopted person or a natural mother. I thought my mother and the adoption agent, with whom she colluded, sounded like they were full of shite, but how was I to know any different? By the time I delivered my precious girl, my efforts to keep her via parenting classes at a local pregnancy center and accumulation of baby necessities (all returned by my mother) only proved my selfishness. I would be selfish having only love to offer a child. Ultimately, it was the threat of homelessness by my parents that definitively made my adoption “choice”. My greatest fear at the time was my daughter being placed in foster care due…

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The Gift of a Grandmother

This gallery contains 15 photos.

W…….. You may never neet your biological grandparent. For that, and so many other things……..I am so so sorry. Missing, loving and waiting for you always. Love, Mom

Operation Matthew 6:25-34

I have never over the last 6 years seen anything as publicly coercive as this. This is not what should happen. There is ZERO acknowledgement of this mother-to-be’s painful reality that she feels she is not enough. It is ALL ABOUT the adoptive parents, not the baby at all. It is heartbreaking. This is infant adoption.

Musings of a Birthmom by Jennifer Wachowski

Welcome to one of the most coercive pre-adoptive stories you will ever read. Take a seat and prepare to look through a “story book” that defines coercion and duress in expectant mothers. I almost titled this post “Faces of Adoption Coercion: Level Infinity.”

Meet Tuesday Laine Watson and her husband, Josh. Tuesday is very young, in her 20’s and is hoping to adopt a young woman’s baby when it is born this May. Someone she knew from her past, according to Tuesday’s public Facebook profile. However, Tuesday didn’t get the memo that she is a “hopeful” adoptive parent. She has already bestowed upon herself the title of “mother” to a baby yet to be born. For months now. Complete with parking in expectant mother parking spaces, having an elaborate baby shower, naming the baby, and posting about “her” child all over the inter webs.

To make matters worse, Tuesday is…

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Dear Adoption, You Betrayed Me

Source: Dear Adoption, You Betrayed Me

Open Adoption and Playing God

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Another birthday has come and gone.

Each year, it feels like that baby, MY baby, becomes more of a stranger. I dreamed of her my entire childhood. I carried her for 41 weeks, labored with her for 36 hours, and held her tightly against my chest in our remaining 32 hours together.

What does “Open” Adoption feel like for a mother, or more frequently what we’re referred to, a birth mother? I would gladly shed some light on the matter, but only as a warning to others.

Its an important question to answer in this day and time. Especially for anyone who feels the need to present it as an option, yet has no firsthand experience. The promotion of Open Adoption frightens me. It is a subculture fraught with corruption, deceit, trauma, and delusions of mass proportion.

Of course, with 2 decades of experience, its impossible to chronicle all of the psychological…

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Dear Adoption, You Aren’t Always Right

W, I may not have fought for you in court, but I have been fighting since you were denied my milk for a reason I still, nearly 6 years later cannot comprehend as hard as I try.  I am fighting in other ways. Keeping what happened to us from happening to others via Saving Our Sisters.  All the time, effort and energy in everything I do is all for you and your sisters. All I ever wanted for you was the best, and I know now as I have very shortly after I listened to the wrong people who deceived me, that being given to strangers is not what you needed.  You needed me, and I am so so sorry I didn’t believe in me.

We love and miss you every single day.

Love, Mom

Dear Adoption, You Aren’t Always Right

Growing up, my adoption issues lived mostly in the confines of my own head. I was adopted domestically so most people had no clue my parents, siblings and I didn’t have the same genes. I went to live with my new family when I was less than 2 weeks old. I was born to one woman and left the hospital with a different woman. I always thought that seemed weird since the first woman wasn’t dead.

My mom said I cried a lot when I first came home and that I wouldn’t settle with her when she held me but that she always loved me so much. She said she knew I was hers.

When I was 4 weeks old, my birth mom changed her mind.

She called the adoption agency, the hospital, the social worker and even the police to try and get me back.

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Heart to Heart Adoptions; Andy and Melissa Moore; The Taking of Ja’Meka — Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

By AstridBeeMom Johnny with his daughter, Ja’Meka, at the hosptial, when she was born. Johnny is a father to a beautiful little girl named Ja’Meka that was born on October 18, 2016 in Georgia. Ja’Meka’s mom, while heavily medicated (having had a tubal ligation the previous day) and under duress, on October 19, 2016 was…

via Heart to Heart Adoptions; Andy and Melissa Moore; The Taking of Ja’Meka — Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth